The Story of Baby Cinco

Have you been wondering where I have been lately? Okay, maybe not. You mostly come here for the FHE lessons, right?  Well, I'm going to tell you anyway.

You may remember last October when we welcome our fourth and FINAL baby into our family.

After we had little Jude our family felt complete. I felt a calm come over me and also an invigoration - we got all of the kids here safely, now it was time to move forward and make our lives great. I wanted to embrace this finality and bring more order to our lives through my own hard work and effort. We were confident in our decision that our family was complete. 4 kids was what God intended for us. 4 kids is a LOT. 4 kids is all I can handle.

My husband and I had this discussion...

Me: If God himself appeared to us, in a daylight vision, and told us we needed to have a fifth baby...would you do it?
Matt: No.
Me: Me neither.

Can you see the foreshadowing already?

When our little Jude was 3 months old we found out we were pregnant again. I sobbed and sobbed, then felt guilty for sobbing. Our babies would be 11 months apart. As always I was sick as a dog.

Soon we had our first appt. Every other time we have had that very first ultrasound with a new baby I have stared at the tiny lima-bean on the screen and my heart melted. There's our baby! I would think as I stared at a tiny blob on the screen. I was certain that would happen again and it would magically melt away my doubts about surprise baby. I saw the baby. I felt nothing. Then, the customary guilt. I should be happy. So many of my close friends have fertility problems. They would give anything for a baby. But the fact remained, I didn't want a baby.

When we told our kids about Baby No. 5 they were super excited, but Ella was shocked. Knowing how all of this baby business works, and knowing that we said we were DONE after Jude, she was totally speechless. The other two girls commenced playing and stopped paying attention.

The conversation continued....

Ella: So...will Jude and the new baby be twins?
Me: No. Babies have to be in their Mom's tummy at the same time to be twins. But sometimes people call babies born less than one year apart "Irish Twins".
Ella: Oh. That's cool.

An hour later our Home Teacher, Joseph, dropped by. Bianca (our 3 year old) ran straight up to him and said,

Bianca: Mommy has another baby in her tummy! Jude is going to have an EVIL twin!!!

We died laughing!  Let's hope it is NOT an EVIL twin.

Soon it was gender reveal time.  We already had three girls and then our boy.  It would have been REALLY CONVENIENT to have another boy since we had given away our girl clothes when we decided we were done with our family. Ha!

It's a GIRL!!

At the end of September it was time for Baby Cinco to arrive. I was filled with fear. People were very sweet and most often, others would say, "As soon as you hold that baby in your arms you will fall in love". I hoped that was true but my deepest fears were that it wouldn't come true.

When I was finally got to really hold her and look at her for the first time I was flooded and completely overwhelmed with these feelings...

You belong with us.
We needed you.
I am so glad you're here.
I love you so much.

And then I sobbed, not realizing just how afraid I had been that I wouldn't have those feelings. But I do. And, for the first time since we found out we were pregnant, I knew it was going to be okay. It's going to be difficult for this first year, but it's also going to be wonderful. We didn't even know it, but GOD knew it. We needed her. Please welcome...

9 Way Righteous Comments:

Julie Barnes said...

WOW! Congratulations!! You will be a wonderful mother!

Anonymous said...

Congrats! You can do hard things!

Danielle said...

What an amazing blessing she will be to your family!

Unknown said...

This is such a sweet story. Thank you so much for sharing.

Jen said...

girl, you are awesome!!! I totally feel you on the being nervous--and way to be for being able to be so real. I appreciate reading this story. my baby #5 is 6 months old and running the circus at our older kids simply adore him and can't WAIT for him to need them....he is a blessing and a wonder. the lord is in charge, thanks for sharing your story---I relate so much!!! good luck and bless you!!

Stephanie C. said...

What a beautiful story! Aren't we lucky to have an all-knowing Father in Heaven?! Good luck with your sweet babies.

Audrey said...

Ah, this post made me cry. It's a beautiful thing when what seems like a hijacked life plan turns into a reminder that His plan is so much greater. Thank you for everything you share - you've enriched my family's on-again-off-again FHEs along with my Primary's sharing times more than you'll ever know. xo

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your story. I needed to hear it today

Jenn R said...

Wonderful story and what a precious little baby! Congrats and best wishes!

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